The Latest From My Homophobic School

Hello!

Things have taken an interesting turn at the new school (I should really stop calling it my new school now I’ve been there for half a term). It’s one of those schools with a house system, and a lot of competitions between the houses.

Somehow I got signed up for a pantomime for house drama. Here’s an important thing to remember: I can’t act. So if that by itself isn’t entertaining enough, I’m Prince Charming. At least I don’t have to sing though…

My brother was cast as the ugly stepsister, so I think this is going to be generally quite funny. I may have volunteered him for that while he wasn’t there, but he seemed happy enough to do it.

However, the dicks still exist. I overheard a conversation between 2 year 10’s about a transgender person who had left a year or so ago. I couldn’t figure out the specifics to to their ignorance on the subject, however, they said enough that I was insulted. 

I heard terms like “tranny” and the phrase “people should just be male or female, how their born”. As someone who is neither male or female, it took a lot of self-restraint to not go and educate them or tell them to go to hell.

And then for the rest of the day, I was then just feeling really shit because I can’t come out but I want to so bad. It just makes me angry with myself and people around me.

I hope that maybe some people can relate to this feeling and maybe leave some advice for me and others who feel like this in the comments. If you liked this post, please give it a like. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are at the top, if you want to talk privately, you can there. 

AwkwardHuman xx

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My New School Is Very Homophobic

Hello!

By the time this post goes online it will be October. Which means I have been at sixth form for a month. I’d say that I can now give an honest view of how I’m feeling about things.

First… Well, I couldn’t wait to never have to do English again (other than the blog). Guess which idiot is resitting? Yes. I am. I got a 5 in language, while I don’t have to resit, it’s a good idea for me to for vet school.

Also… The people. One, I don’t like a lot of them. I am really struggling to find anything in common with anyone. Don’t throw the “you’ll find some friends, try some other people,” there twelve people in my year. And two, their gaydars are very broken. I love being in the closet.

While I’m on the subject of the LGBT, I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a homophobic school. In classrooms on desks there are homophobic things written in plain sight. I’ve seen things like “fuck off you faggot” written, and that doesn’t offend me personally, because I am very difficult to offend, it is extremely offensive. My brother was telling me the other day he’d had a conversation where someone had made a gay comment in English, the teacher had said “what’s wrong with being gay”. The general class opinion was it was wrong and disgusting. The fact I am in a school with people who think that, is disgusting.

In terms of the subjects I’ve chosen… I’ve fucked up every chemistry practicle so far. In the first one, I sent the whole thing for a flight. In the second I overfilled my solution for a titration. And in the most recent one, I spilt a load of acid then smashed a beaker. Biology, yeah that’s fine. Maths is fine. Then there’s further maths. I don’t know how or why I let myself get talked into doing that.

The school itself has some weird rules. We aren’t allowed to leave a room without wearing a blazer/jacket. At the start of assembley we all have to stand for the headteacher to come in… What the actual fuck.

The headteacher reminds me of Donald Trump in a creepy way (only in appearance). He is a bit weird in just the way he is and he isn’t particularly popular with students.

Other than all of that… Yeah, sixth form is great. I would seriously appreciate any advice on how I could possibly challenge homophobia/ anti-LGBT opinions in general without having to come out of the closet.

I hope you enjoyed this little update, if you did please give it a like. Please feel free to leave me some advice in the comments. If you want to see more of what I have to say, follow me. My socials are, as always, linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

My School Fucked Up (Bigtime)

Hello!

I am absolutely done with people telling me I can’t do things, underestimating me and telling me what to do. I have had enough of it, full stop.

This week, my headteacher started calling round most of the year telling people they were not allowed to do triple science. While I did not receive this call, the information I was told was no one was allowed to do this. This annoyed me and made me furious because I need triple, and the school are not stopping me. 

My mum came into school. The headteacher was furious she showed up, since if she shows up it’s because something is wrong. My headteachers was extremely defensive and just weird (as per usual) then was trying to seriously encourage me to do double because she evidently does not think I can do it. 

This pissed me off even more. It’s one thing changing my GCSEs without telling me, but basically saying I can’t achieve shit all is an insult.

Then, the next day I went with another person to the extra class for triple science and the deputy head also tried to discourage the pair of us from doing it. No offence to the rest our year and not trying to sound big headed, but if anyone has a chance at succeeding at triple science, it’s us two. 

Thank you very much school. Fuck you. 

Can I take the time to point out how the British education system only cares about statistics? Its stupid. They don’t care about the individual at all. Only about getting 95% A*s or something stupid. 

Personally, I’d much rather fail trying triple than succeed double, this way I get a shot at proving them wrong, if I succeed hello future and if I fail… Well it fucks up their stats. Sounds great to me.

It doesn’t help me that the organisation that run my school are really desperate to prove themselves (this isn’t the government this time). This organisation has been known for bad results in the past and they have seriously screwed up a number of lives. 

This isn’t just my school I’m talking about, there are a few other schools out there run by them which are also pretty shit (names and numbers will not be given). My school is the most recent to open and I really can’t wait for Ofsted to come and have a little chat.

Anyway, I needed to get that out. I’m done ranting about the ‘charitable’ organisation that has done fuck all to run a school. 

Just take one message from this. Don’t let anyone tell you to do something you don’t want to do. You are you’re own boss and it’s you who will have to live with your decisions, so do not ever let anyone make your decisions for you.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Being Ignored

Hello!

I am someone who tends to be ignored a lot. I’m not sure if this is because when I get ignored I make stupid comments since my opinion is apparently not valid or whether it is because my opinion just is not valid.

There are few people who don’t ignore me. It is very frustrating, especially since sometimes what I want to say is of importance or urgence. 

I tend to be sick and/or faint randomly, especially when I’m tired or stressed, my (ex)friends know this. We were walking around school once and I was feeling I’ll and dizzy. I said “guys can we stop, I don’t feel well.” I was ignored, so we carried on walking, until the point where I was just sick in the middle of a school corridor (it was pretty empty thank god.)

This is just one example of when I have been ignored, and also why I am no longer such good friends with C. They are not the only culprits, even my current friends do it (unless I’m fainting/being sick.) 

When I punched the fuckboy, I’d been saying for weeks I would punch him and they probably hadn’t been listening because all I got in reply was “lovely” in a sarcastic manner. But when I did it I was told “Why the hell did you do that? You’re so dead.” 

It is genuinely so frustrating being ignored in this way, especially since when people want my help I’m suddenly their best friend then 5 minutes later I’m just told to fuck off because I’m not welcome in the present conversation.

Thanks guys. You’re all great too.

Let me know if you’ve had a worse experience than this in the comments below. Don’t forget to like this post if you enjoyed it. I write shit every Sunday, so if you want to read more, feel free to follow me, it means so much to me.

Love,  AkwardHuman xx

I’m Failing

Hello!

This is probably the point where I’m supposed to do a post on the US election result (spoiler alert: I’m not.) As usual, I see my own problems as far more important (they probably aren’t though some advice would be much appreciated.)

Once again, things are getting to much. Since my last complaining school post, my 3rd science teacher since the beginning of my GCSEs has left. I have resorted to teaching myself 3 sciences. I currently have geography and history coursework, sixth forms to look around and grade 3 piano to fail.

All my mum cares about is science and all the time she’s asking me questions. Dinner is endless quizzing then when I don’t know answers and my brother does I get told I’m going to fail my GCSEs and that its not good enough. If my best isn’t good enough, what is?

I genuinely don’t think I can handle this. My grandmother died one month ago and my dad the moment that a revision or gym session gets skipped has a go at me for making excuses as if I’m blaming not having enough time on that. 

I can’t even eat dinner without endless quizzing and when I ask them to stop they only tell me to answer the question and no we can’t be a normal family and have a normal conversation.

I wish you could see my face, I’m hiding in a bathroom crying as I’m writing this because it genuinely is just to much. Did I mention mocks are in 2 weeks? Did now… 

The worst part is they just keep comparing me to my cousins who all got all As and A*s. I’m not them. I’m not a fucking genius. So what if I’m not on a massive payscale when I’m older?

I guess that would just be to embarrassing for my them.

Please follow this blog, my social links are at the top. I’m not usually this complainy/moany. 

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Education- A Surprisingly Powerful Thing

Hello!

Over this past week, many people have been going back to school. Most of us are not happy about this. This year I will have to take my GCSEs (fun times.) 

Earlier today, for some reason, I was thinking about how not everyone gets the same opportunities as we do here in the UK. Girls in some Middle Eastern countries are often not educated. Many children in countries in areas like Africa can’t afford to go to school. Here in the UK, our education is free for everyone, yet we take it for granted.

In my class, we have kids who muck around because “they’ll be fine, they don’t need GCSEs,”, we have kids who just don’t care and others, who just don’t realise what some would do for the opportunities they don’t have. 

A few years ago a girl named Malala Yousafzi was shot because she believed that girls deserved a right to be educated. She took a stand and voiced her opinions because in her country, they don’t have the same beliefs. While children in the UK are throwing away their education, she was shot because she believed she deserved hers.

Whenever they interview children on those charity campaigns for helping educate children in deprived countries, nearly all of they say they want to be doctors or teachers. If they were to be given that chance, they would take it with both hands and not let go. Yet here in the UK, we educate children to give them the opportunity to do whatever they want to do, and they waste that opportunity.

Education is a powerful thing, that we take for granted. I ask you, next time you’re bored in your lessons to think, what would that kid in another country who wants to be a doctor be doing? Would they be mucking around? Or would they be trying their best, to get where they want to be?

At the end of the day, you will have to get a job. It will be easier if you pay attention and get the grades in school and you will have more choice. You’re also stuck in education until the age of 18 now, so you may as well actually get something as a result of it.

The choice is yours. Don’t take your education for granted.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Annoying things Teenage Girls Do

Hello!

There are a number of things people do (teenage girls in particular) that just really annoy me… And hopefully other people. So I decided to make a list and moan about it here.

1. Constant giggling at everything. Surely not everything is hilarious… What is it with the constant giggling?? Oh sorry, I forgot, your also obsessed with bitching about people constantly, and crushing the way other people choose to live is hilarious. 

2. The never ending hot boy hunt. This annoys me so much. Whenever we go on a school trip its just a constant hot boy hunt and then there’s the whole thing of “oh my god, we need to get his Instagram”. Have people heard just how annoying they are… And remember, while this is happening, the giggling continues…

3. The obsession with being in someone’s Instagram bio. What’s the point. All it does is when you run out of space for that one friend, is offend them and suddenly you fall out. It doesn’t even mean anything except that you have tonnes of friends that probably when it comes down to it, won’t help you.

4. Shopping. We all know I hate shopping anyway. I’ve written posts on it in the past.

5. The obsession with prom. It is one fucking night. Ours is an entire 9 months away and girls in my class are there like “I need a dress” and “oh my god, I need to find a date”. What is this world coming to? It’s saying goodbye to the people you hate (I will not be going to mine because I will probably be chasing sheep or eat pizza on my own- much better).

6. The constant need for everyone’s focus to be on them. Quit attention seeking. People with actual problems could use the attention much more than you could, so leave your stupid problems of “I ran out of this stupidly precise shade of foundation” for later.

7. Screaming. For some reason, the girls in my class are just scared of everything and whenever there is the tiniest spider, they all scream and run as far away as possible. This is just one more way that they attention seek. 

8. Nutella. Its not that great. Why are people obsessed with it? Its just a chocolate hazelnut spread that keeps on going solid in my house so you can’t spread it…

9. Topshop. Its expensive. If you are awkwardly tall like me you can’t find clothes in the right size. Half their clothes are stupidly impractical. 

10. The constant need to fit it. This is the worst thing. C is a classic example of this. One person in a friendship group does something, so everyone else does it because its ‘cool’ or funny. Even if they don’t actually believe in it. It would be nice if this was to stop one day, and we can all be the people we actually want  to be.

So that is things teenage girls do/obsess about that really annoys me.

In other news, I’m off to Italy this week and I get back into the UK on Thursday for one night then I’m off to camp for the weekend. 

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Coursework- The Ultimate Guide

Hello!

I had to do German coursework this week and some people in my class did really well or really badly for a number of reasons. I decided to create a guide on how to survive coursework.

1. Prepare. You get given titles before the exam. It took me 10 hours to write and learn 200 words. Ensure that you take this into account. 1 person only remembered they had coursework on the day- big mistake.

2. Learn it by heart. This is so important, when you go into the exam you will probably feel nervous and this can make you forget things- do not just wing it.

3. Use your time in the exam wisely. In language coursework especially, check every word for genders, spellings etc. Check everything makes sense.

4. If you finish early, be sensible. I finished 10 minutes early. Usually I pick at my fingers and destroy them. This time, someone was mucking around and I found it funny. Of course, when your in an exam, everything is funny, so I was there trying not to laugh and struggling to contain myself and breathe.

5. Reward yourself at the end. My German teacher gave us all kitkats which was a good reward for all the hard work we had done, plus I like chocolate.

6. Don’t Panic. You can retake.

I hope this guide is useful to you, it probably isn’t but oh well.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

When I Got Into Dulwich College

Hello!

A couple of weeks ago, I got into Dulwich college for a day. For anyone who doesn’t know, Dulwich College is one of the top public schools in the UK.

My school took a bunch of around 15 students, including me and my brother. So we left at 8am on a saturday (why?! Whoever thinks that is a good idea deserves to be hung.) We had to get into London by 10am (which didn’t happen because we went the scenic route past the Olympic Park). We eventually got to Dulwich at around 10:30.

I was immediately intimidated because I didn’t actually realise how big it was. Just the science block could probably fit my whole school inside it. We had a quick tour around before we went to the science block. (We were there for a science day).

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First we had a chemistry session. We made iodine timers (which depending on the proportions of chemical will suddenly turn at a sudden time) and had a competition on who could get theirs to turn closest to 60 seconds. (I lost).

Then we had around 45 minutes until lunch, so we went into the biology lab and looked at the animals. They had chameleons, which were so cool, trantulas and snakes. When the trantulas and snakes came out, my headteacher almost ran out of the room.

We then had lunch. The reality set in that it was an all boys school. We were all (especially the girls) getting really stared at. I was also mortified at the amount of food that my brother had (2 plates of chips anyone?)

We then had physics where we looked at the relationship between pressure and temperature. We had around 20 minutes left, so we played with dry ice (carbon dioxide as a solid) and liquid nitrogen, which has a -275℃ boling point. Fun times. So we put it all over the floor.

After that we had to go home. And it took us around an hour and a half to get out of London. So to pass the time we streamed the rugby on my brother’s phone. And I texted my welsh uncle. We got very competitive.

Overall, it was a very good day and we all learnt a lot as well as having fun and doing lots of practical.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

I have also now remembered my instagram passwords so I will be using them more often.

Twitter & Instagram: @akwardhumanblog
Wattpad: @AkwardHumanBlog

I am a Puppet

Hello!

I am a puppet. Not like people attatch strings to me and make my arms move. More like, I get told what to say alot.

At school my conversation is something like:
Visitor: So AkwardHuman you’ve been here for 2 years?
Me: Yeah…
Visitor: And what do you think of the school
Me: It’s great… (In reality it’s shit and my headteacher told me what to say).

And then…. There’s when my mum drags me into a church. A church. Great idea mum, take your bisexual daughter to a church where if by some chance there is something out there, SHE WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED. So it goes something like this.
Me: blah blah blah, Jesus is great…
Religous person: That was a great service, wasn’t it?
Me: Yeah, it was…
Please note, I am not religous at all. I get told what to say and threatened by my mum to behave or else.

I hate being a puppet. Especially considering my new years resolutions (one of them was to be myself more).

MY ADVICE: DON’T SAY ANYTHING YOU DON’T MEAN, IT’S EASIER TO SAY WHAT YOU THINK/ THE TRUTH.

Love, AkwardHuman xx