You are probably aware that I spend too much time on the internet. This is really the product of that. A lot of people (when I say that I mean a large precentage of people who talk to me) ask me about how I knew I was bisexual and/or agender, or say they think they may be [insert gender/sexuality].
And I just want to make a post with some advice for people who don’t ask. I wasn’t confident enough to ask for advice, I only used existing help on the internet. I guess I want to contribute to that. Since yesterday was Bi Visibility Day, I figured that now would be the best time to publish this post. I’m going to say now though, I don’t know everything.
In terms of figuring things out, I’d say don’t feel as if you have to label yourself. I spent quite a while knowing I wasn’t female, without knowing what I was. I get that sometimes you want to be able to label yourself, for the sake of finding similar people, but don’t feel you have to.
Find a label you are comfortable with. The main label I am not comfortable with, would be lesbian. Sometimes if I want to be specific I will say I’m pansexual, most of the time I will say I’m bisexual. Occasionally I will just say I’m gay (not often, normally that’s just when I’m politely trying to get some guy away from me, doesn’t happen often).
I’d also say, regardless of how you identify and what people say, it’s ok. For every piece of hate I get, I get so much more support.
I know that this next piece of advice is what everyone says, but don’t feel you have to come out until you are ready. There are few people who I am out to as bisexual, and even fewer as agender.
In terms of coming out, I like to use things like the Clash Of Clans global chat to come out to strangers. It probably sounds weird, but I think it made it easier for me to actually come out to people. I found it good because a lot of the time, the people were like “ok cool”. You never have to see the people, and you won’t talk to them again.
Being in the closet is shit. Anyone would tell you that. I find it easier to be in the closet with my sexuality than my gender. I guess because your gender is something that comes up every time someone uses pronouns you don’t want to hear. If you find you have to stay in the closet, like I do, you have to be aware of this.
They say right after you come out of the closet is pretty shit. But in the long run, you get to be yourself and a lot happier. From coming out to the few people I have come out to, I was happier for coming out.
I hope that this post has been helpful to you if you are trying to figure out who you are, or are thinking of coming out. If you would like to talk, I always try to help as best as I can and my socials are linked above, feel free to DM me. There are also a number of support things around if you know where to look.
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