Coming Out. Again.

Hello!

I’m not going to lie, the last few months have been hard. This isn’t talking about GCSEs, the internet has heard enough about those. 

I’ve been out on the internet as bisexual for quite a long time now, but when Miles McKenna (I think I spelt that right) came out as transgender non-binary I was left questioning my own gender. And recently I’ve managed to come to terms with who I am.

I was bought up with gender stereotypes everywhere. Until around the age of 7 I was a very girly girl. Then came the skirt issue. One day I just decided “I really can’t be bothered with skirts or dresses”. I changed my name to a less feminine version of it (which I actually recently found out was gender neutral). I spent quite a long time wishing I wasn’t female. Since then I’ve just drifted away from the female stereotype more and more. Until the point Miles came out I was just like… Whatever the hell I was, a lot of people would have probably labeled me as a butch female with an attitude problem towards anyone who called me my birth name.

Then a couple of months ago a boy in my year was taking the piss saying “ohhh girly-girl.” I told him to fuck off then he said to me “well you are a girl”. At that point, I began to ask am I?

Not too long later I had an argument with my mum over dress codes. She told me I was a girl, I was expected to dress that way. At that point I left the house because I couldn’t be bothered with her bullshit.

I thought about how I am not happy being associated as female, looking back I always have resented being female. I’m not happy being associated as male either. I just sat outside crying. I don’t really know how long I was there. Over a period of time after that I established what I am.

I am gender-neutral, specifically I identify as agender.  I am also bisexual. I am still also a fucking idiot. My preferred pronouns (feels weird to say this) are they/them. 

I haven’t actually told anyone I know in real life about this yet, and as with me being bisexual my parents will not be finding out until I can support myself. It’s difficult. I hate being female, being stereotyped as female, being told to conform. But that’s how I have to live, in the closet, pretending to be someone I’m not in real life.

I thank you all for your support in allowing me to be me. If you liked this post please like it, feel free to leave me a comment. If you want to see more of what I have to say please follow me, it means so much to me. I will be regularly blogging again sometime in June.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

YouTube’s New Restrictions

Hello!

Yes, I am offline. Yes, I’m “not blogging”. However an issue for the LGBTQ+ community has shown up that I can’t not discuss.

I’m sure YouTube’s restricted mode blocking any content concerning the LGBTQ+ community probably hasn’t escaped your notice. This is a big deal, YouTube is basically the biggest video platform on the internet, yes restricted mode is about protecting people from offensive/dangerous content. But our community is neither of these.

This blocking of all of this content is just another form of discrimination. Yes, in many countries we have equal rights, can get married. But it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of discrimination.

I sometimes hear people say “why do charities like Stonewall still exist. People are equal.” This is why they exist. In theory we are equal, but we all know that events like this still take place and are often still ignored, on this kind of scale and on the small scale- the bullying in schools, the offensive comments, people like myself staying in the closet in fear of rejection. We are not equal.

And while this continues we must continue to be proud, to fight back, to make our voices be heard. Social equality can be achieved, just it hasn’t yet.

That is all I have to say, I will be back regularly in June. If you liked this post give it a like. Feel free to leave any comments. If you want to be notified when I post feel free to follow me, it means a lot.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Goodbye Internet.

Hello!

I really don’t want to say what I have to say, but I have to say it, so I’m doing it. My GCSEs are this May, my first exam being in something really scary like 8 weeks.

Quite simply I don’t want to be thinking about what I’m going to post next while I’m trying to learn history or while I’m in an exam. Basically I need to focus.

I can’t do this while continuing this blog. 

It’s very difficult for me, but I won’t be posting anything on here until around late June. I’ll still be posting on my Instagram and twitter a little and I’ll still answer messages, but until June this blog and my Wattpad will not have anything posted. It’s just the easiest way for me to focus.

Thank you for understanding, and if you have any big exams coming up, good luck.

Until June…

 Love, AkwardHuman xx

Horse Catch-up

Hello!

Its been a while since I’ve talked horses, and I basically just want to do that. A lot has happened to me in terms of riding. I think (and can’t be bothered to check) that the last time I talked horses here I was working for someone who had horses in their back garden a few miles away and riding at my local stables with a decent instructor.

That has changed quite a bit. I no longer ride at the local stables since my lesson clashes with an extra class I have to take and I basically don’t have time to ride there. Plus the decent instructor left so it hasn’t been worth spending time or money there recently, I plan to go back after my GCSEs.

In terms of the horses in the back garden… I left there because quite frankly I didn’t like the owners daughter’s attitude of cutting basic corners of horse care and the “any problem can be sorted if you put more metal in the horses mouth” attitude.

Anyway, I made some friends (round of applause please) and I now simply go to someone elses back garden and ride their horses, it’s a nicer environment where I’m not constantly riding around main roads. The owner there is also a qualified instructor so I’m also basically getting a free private lesson most weeks as well as stable management, a better deal than the riding stables.

There is an extra horse there, they’re all really nice, friendly horses which while they aren’t easy rides, they wouldn’t intentionally harm anyone. I’m just finding it an all round better experience (as well as the fact it’s really close to my house) and I am learning a lot more than I previously have been. It’s been interesting because a lot of what I’ve been taught goes against riding school methods (partly because one has one eye and another is like a giant child).

Anyway, that’s all I have to say. If you enjoyed this post please give it a like, if you want to see more of what I have to say please feel free to follow me, I post every Sunday at 6pm GMT, it genuinely means a lot to me.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Don’t Tell Me To Control My Dog

Hello!

I was walking my dog the other day. I went along one of my regular routes when I came across a guy with a gun. 

It’s not the gun I was bothered about. This bloke rudely came up to me and asked “Do you have permission to be on this land?”

This route doesn’t exactly go through private property, but it’s not exactly a signed footpath. I regularly see the landowners on it and they just smile and wave, everyone walks their dogs here anyway.
Knowing this my answer was “I thought this was public land.” In these situations I generally find it easier to play dumb.

Anyway, this guy then said to me really rudely “Well it isn’t.”

I apologised and he said “Just don’t come near if you see me shooting again.”

This is probably for one of three reasons.

  • He may have genuinely been a nice guy concerned for my safety (not likely.)
  • He didn’t want anyone seeing how much of what he had shot down (I could only see the pigeons and there were a lot of those.)
  • He also didn’t have the landowners permission (highly likely considering how he cleared off pretty quickly.)

However, as he drove off he then said to me “You’re alright at this time of year, but be careful about having your dog off your lead when ground birds are nesting. That’s in the countryside code.”

Firstly, I’ll decide when my dog goes off or on the lead.

Secondly, I literally just googled the countryside code. It only said it must be under effective control. Nothing about the fucking birds.

So excuse me whoever the fuck you were, don’t you go telling me that I shouldn’t be anywhere without permission just so you can go shooting without a problem. (Aren’t you also meant to have signs saying to keep an eye out if you shoot?) 

And about my dog, I decide what to do with her. She was a guide dog. I think she can behave thank you very much. If I want her off the lead, she goes off the lead. So fuck off.

And in conclusion, don’t let people tell you what to do just so they can make their own lives easier.

If you enjoyed this post please like it. Please leave a comment if you have any idea as to which of us was more in the wrong. If you want to see more of what I have to say please follow me, I normally post at 6pm GMT.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Types Of People I Hate On Instagram

Hello!

A while ago I made a post about people who annoy me on snapchat and I decided that since a lot of people annoy me on Instagram, I would talk about them here.

1. The Layout Person. This person is really annoying because they clog up your feed with random looking posts and only when you click on their profile and all of their posts do you see the full effect. I personally just find the individual posts in my feed so annoying.

I do love Kygo and his music, but I had to use his feed as an example for the obvious reason of anonymity.

2. The Endless Restarter. This person, every so often will either delete everything they ever posted, or like the layout person, will post dividing posts. I REALLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Also, can I point out that I have a brain, I can clearly see that your posts forward of a certain point look a bit different.

3. The “Like My Recent” person. I don’t need a separate post to tell me to go and like the last thing you posted. If I want to see what you posted, I will go straight to that post.

4. The Attention Seeker. Most people I know fall into this category. This person posts a photo with the caption “Not Sure/ Don’t like _____ chose”. Firstly, if you don’t like it, don’t share it. Secondly, I couldn’t care less who told you to post it. They will also post photos captioned ” Opinions?” All the fucking time. Mate, don’t get pissed with me when I say that’s a shit photo. You wanted my opinion.

5. The Quoter. This person either posts backgrounds from the internet with a quote they found on the internet on top of it that means shit all to no one, either that or they post a selfie with a completely irrelevant quote, often from an overplayed shit song, as the caption. Just get off the internet.

6. The Endless Hastag User. This person generally puts their whole caption in hashtags. In all fairness, I haven’t found anyone who does this recently, but it’s just annoying.

7. The Snapshot Screenshotter. You do not deserve to be on the internet. As if you weren’t annoying enough on Snapchat, you also curse your Instagram followers. No one gives a shit about the endless dog filter selfies. Just delete your account please.

So that’s that. If you enjoyed this post, give it a like or a comment. If you want to see more of what I have to say please do follow me, it genuinely means a lot. My social medias are linked at the top of my page.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

My Advice For Blogging

Hello!

Well… I’ve been on WordPress for 2 years now. I actually don’t know where the time has gone, however regardless, I have learnt a lot over the last 2 years, so I decided I would share my advice for blogging with you, since advice is one of the few things in life that is free (well my advice is anyway, mostly because no one values it.) Anyway, here is my advice:

1. Don’t. Seriously, don’t blog. Something like 93% of what you try to say is conveyed through body language. If you can do maths, that means only 7% of my message actually gets through. Vlogging is probably a better option. However, if you are adament you want to blog, read on.

2. Social Media Is Your Friend. Social media is a great way to get followers, most of the few people who follow me found me through social media. It also allows you to connect with them in a better way than just the 1 post per week.

3. Choose Your Platform. I started off with both WordPress and Blogspot (my first two posts are on there). I ruled out Tumblr because too many people I know use it, I preferred WordPress because the Android app is really easy to uses, whichever platform you choose, there are loads of free ones out there to choose from, don’t feel you have to pay to selfhost, I personally don’t see the point.

Please do not read these, they are possibly the worst two posts I ever wrote, they are also on WordPress, can I also point out that its entertaining I started this blog when I was ill. Oh and look, I’m also ill as I write this post too.

4. Pictures. My posts including pictures tend to get more views than ones without, this also makes it easier for people to read.

5. Don’t post for no reason. Not only is it a waste of your time making posts every day for the sake of it (once upon a time I did this) but it pisses your followers of, on WordPress they get an email EVERY TIME YOU POST. I don’t like my inboxes getting clogged up with pointless stuff.

6. Break Up your Post. Personally I love lists, bullet points, like this, I find it much less intimidating than a giant block of text.

7. There is no point copying other people. I don’t follow many other bloggers. Not only because I don’t have time, but also because otherwise I am influenced, any ideas I have are my ideas unless otherwise stated. I don’t want to be like someone else and to be honest, if I was being like someone else the few people who read this (hello) may as well go somewhere else.

So that is my advice. Not that anyone values it but anyway. My two years on this blog have been so amazing and I’ve just found myself being able to be so much more positive, I’ve been able to connect with some amazing people and I’ve been able to come to terms with who I am much better.

To the few people who bother to read what I have to say regularly, thank you. Every like, every comment means so much to me. Every follow means even more (if that’s possible). So thank you again.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

My School Fucked Up (Bigtime)

Hello!

I am absolutely done with people telling me I can’t do things, underestimating me and telling me what to do. I have had enough of it, full stop.

This week, my headteacher started calling round most of the year telling people they were not allowed to do triple science. While I did not receive this call, the information I was told was no one was allowed to do this. This annoyed me and made me furious because I need triple, and the school are not stopping me. 

My mum came into school. The headteacher was furious she showed up, since if she shows up it’s because something is wrong. My headteachers was extremely defensive and just weird (as per usual) then was trying to seriously encourage me to do double because she evidently does not think I can do it. 

This pissed me off even more. It’s one thing changing my GCSEs without telling me, but basically saying I can’t achieve shit all is an insult.

Then, the next day I went with another person to the extra class for triple science and the deputy head also tried to discourage the pair of us from doing it. No offence to the rest our year and not trying to sound big headed, but if anyone has a chance at succeeding at triple science, it’s us two. 

Thank you very much school. Fuck you. 

Can I take the time to point out how the British education system only cares about statistics? Its stupid. They don’t care about the individual at all. Only about getting 95% A*s or something stupid. 

Personally, I’d much rather fail trying triple than succeed double, this way I get a shot at proving them wrong, if I succeed hello future and if I fail… Well it fucks up their stats. Sounds great to me.

It doesn’t help me that the organisation that run my school are really desperate to prove themselves (this isn’t the government this time). This organisation has been known for bad results in the past and they have seriously screwed up a number of lives. 

This isn’t just my school I’m talking about, there are a few other schools out there run by them which are also pretty shit (names and numbers will not be given). My school is the most recent to open and I really can’t wait for Ofsted to come and have a little chat.

Anyway, I needed to get that out. I’m done ranting about the ‘charitable’ organisation that has done fuck all to run a school. 

Just take one message from this. Don’t let anyone tell you to do something you don’t want to do. You are you’re own boss and it’s you who will have to live with your decisions, so do not ever let anyone make your decisions for you.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

Why I Hate Healthy Lifestyle People

Hello!

A very important issue recently came to my attention. Lifestyle bloggers/ vloggers. I’m talking about people like Marcus Butler, Niomi Smart etc.

Why do I see them as an issue? You may be asking me. While I am perfectly sure they are very nice people, I don’t like the lifestyles they promote. Everywhere you look on their social media is health foods, gym photos and then Marcus Butler in particular endless “oh preparing for cheat day, naughty.” Bullshit like that.

I see this as a problem because it promotes a lifestyle that is so over the top about being healthy that the stress of maintaining it is probably unhealthy. Being in the gym, eating buckets of kale.

It puts even more pressure on young people to have a perfect body. That is why I see them as a problem. Yes, you shouldn’t eat crap all the time. But you shouldn’t live a life like that and for gods sake, cake is good, enjoy it. 

A number of my friends won’t eat certain things, hell C I’m pretty sure is on the verge of anorexia (I’m actually not joking.) This is simply because these “healthy” lifestyles are thrown at them everywhere and the idea you have to be perfect to be happy.

Hell, it was even in a French textbook. Like what the actual fuck?! I personally do not need these people telling me all about how great kale and shit is for you and how I should try some in a fucking smoothie. Fruit belongs in a smoothie, is kale a fruit? I don’t think so.

So in conclusion, especially if you are/worship a lifestyle blogger/vlogger, think about how healthy your lifestyle actually is. Thank you and please stop forcing your ideologies in my Instagram feed.

If you like what I think, please give this post a like or even a comment if you really loved it, if you want to see more of my shit feel free to follow me, I post on here every Sunday GMT. My socials are below for everyone and at the very top if your are not on the WordPress reader.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

People On Snapchat Who Really Annoy Me

Hello!

Today I am going to talk about something that really annoys me. This something, it’s something most people use in their everyday lives and it will eat your data allowance. It’s called Snapchat.

It’s not so much Snapchat that annoys me. It’s the people who use it. Minutes before I began writing this post I got a fucking circular snap sent to me. 

I’m telling you, there is nothing more irritating when your phone goes off. You go to the effort of getting it out of your pocket (which is a lot with the jacket I was wearing earlier). Then you see that someone sent you a Snapchat. You open your phone and see that its something like “out now n/r” or “someone pop up”.

Shut the hell up. You are heading the right way to get blocked.

While I’m on the subject of pointless snapchats. Streaks. No. Just no. My stories are always full of people saying “anyone want to do streaks?” NO ONE WANTS TO DO STREAKS WITH YOU. 

And oh my god. People who give their passwords to their friends so they can keep their streaks going while their on holiday. Oh yes, why don’t we just exchange phone passcodes while we’re at it. Or scratch that, just make a joint account in the first place.

Can I also please address the issue of filters. By all means have a play with them. But do not post you mucking around with EVERY filter on to your story. Save humanity please.

People who put their numbers onto Snapchat on the 1 second photo… What exactly is it you are trying to achieve? I had to ask that question? If you actually want people to get your number, either give it to them or put it onto a decent length photo so people with slow reactions or shit phones may have a chance. Thank you.

The guy who’s there lip syncing and dancing to overplayed songs (yes, hello Marcus Butler), quit it. No one gives a shit. We don’t want to see you looking like a fuckimg idiot with a really overplayed song in the background.

Finally. If your name is not Dillon Francis, please do not attempt to be the angry guy who’s so angry its funny to get more friends. It only works if your name is Dillon Francis.

I hope you enjoyed this little complaining session. I enjoyed it, its been a while since I had a good complain. If you did enjoy it please give it a like, if I there’s a type of person on Snapchat who pisses you off and I forgot them, please do let me know about them and if you want to see more of these type of things, also let me know in the comments. If you want to see more of my posts please follow me, it really means a lot.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

And may I just make the fact that no one reading this will be getting my Snapchat. Thanks. Although if you want to follow any of my other socials, they are below.