Coming Out. Again.

Hello!

I’m not going to lie, the last few months have been hard. This isn’t talking about GCSEs, the internet has heard enough about those. 

I’ve been out on the internet as bisexual for quite a long time now, but when Miles McKenna (I think I spelt that right) came out as transgender non-binary I was left questioning my own gender. And recently I’ve managed to come to terms with who I am.

I was bought up with gender stereotypes everywhere. Until around the age of 7 I was a very girly girl. Then came the skirt issue. One day I just decided “I really can’t be bothered with skirts or dresses”. I changed my name to a less feminine version of it (which I actually recently found out was gender neutral). I spent quite a long time wishing I wasn’t female. Since then I’ve just drifted away from the female stereotype more and more. Until the point Miles came out I was just like… Whatever the hell I was, a lot of people would have probably labeled me as a butch female with an attitude problem towards anyone who called me my birth name.

Then a couple of months ago a boy in my year was taking the piss saying “ohhh girly-girl.” I told him to fuck off then he said to me “well you are a girl”. At that point, I began to ask am I?

Not too long later I had an argument with my mum over dress codes. She told me I was a girl, I was expected to dress that way. At that point I left the house because I couldn’t be bothered with her bullshit.

I thought about how I am not happy being associated as female, looking back I always have resented being female. I’m not happy being associated as male either. I just sat outside crying. I don’t really know how long I was there. Over a period of time after that I established what I am.

I am gender-neutral, specifically I identify as agender.  I am also bisexual. I am still also a fucking idiot. My preferred pronouns (feels weird to say this) are they/them. 

I haven’t actually told anyone I know in real life about this yet, and as with me being bisexual my parents will not be finding out until I can support myself. It’s difficult. I hate being female, being stereotyped as female, being told to conform. But that’s how I have to live, in the closet, pretending to be someone I’m not in real life.

I thank you all for your support in allowing me to be me. If you liked this post please like it, feel free to leave me a comment. If you want to see more of what I have to say please follow me, it means so much to me. I will be regularly blogging again sometime in June.

Love, AkwardHuman xx

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