I apologise in advance that this is not a positive post, but I am discussing some very important problems in my life at the moment.
Written January 2nd: Over the last few days I have just been invaded by my family. I got booted out of my room, I had no space and I have not been alone for much longer then bathroom trips really.
I don’t cope well with this. I am a highly independent person who doesn’t cope well with change. When something that I don’t like happens, I won’t react well to it.
As a result of me being kicked out of my room last night, I really didn’t sleep well. Yeah, I lost a couple of hours of sleep. (Big deal right?) For me, this actually is. My sleep pattern is always the absolute minimum I need (6-7 hours per night maximum.) If I get less than this one night, that’s me gone for a number of weeks and in a bad mood for a number of days.
This isn’t helped by medication. For a long time I’ve had a habit of feeling ill, being sick and knocking myself out. I went to the doctors for blood tests. They came back normal. As a last resort they’ve put me on medications with hormones in them. I can’t handle my emotions as well as I used to.
For years my face has been a mask which I don’t let many emotions through. This has been changed and not by my decision and I don’t like that. Stress and anger show so much easier than they used to. I was never a patient person, but I am even more impatient than before.
Half an hour ago, my brother put soap in my hair. I flicked water on him. He slammed me against a wall to punch me. I screamed. I got told off for screaming. I got told to make dinner quickly.
I made dinner, but I kept walking into things and getting annoyed. I got told to stop being stupid. I said I wasn’t being stupid. I got told off for being rude. I said I wasn’t being rude. I got sent to my room.
When I got to my room all hell broke loose and I lost it with my emotions.
I genuinely can’t cope with being around my family. They’re one of these middle class posh families which is so ‘caring’ and the biggest problem is if you’re not married by 30. Then I’m here like fuck classes, I hate people and it is not neccesarily guys I am after thank you very much. Not forgetting dress codes. Just fuck those.
Just the concept of me being around my family is quite a stressful one and I will often find myself having to go for unnecessarily long dog walks.
I just had to get this out really. That’s a there is to it. If you want to see more of my stuff, it is usually much more positive than this, please feel free to follow me. My socials are also linked at the top of the page if you are not on the WordPress app and they are also at the bottom of this post for all of you.
Love, AkwardHuman xx