The Self-Scanner Incident

Hello!

My mum is absolutely useless with any kind of technology. For years we’ve tried to get her to be able to use her own mobile phone, but we still have to turn it on or off, put it on silent mode or text people for her.

It’s not an age thing, her mother has an iPad and is more than capable of stalking her grandchildren on Facebook and ordering fudge without anyone knowing until a parcel arrived at the door.

But for some reason my mum is just incapable.

On Friday my mum and I went to Tesco, because we were in a rush so we could use the scan as you shop. The main reason I went is to make sure that everything gets scanned (my mum forgets that she needs to scan stuff). I turned my back for 1 second and she had scanned some mackerel, but she had scanned the same pack twice.

When we went to the checkout we got selected for a random trolley search. They scanned the mackerel and because the 2 packs were different prices, one of the packs had technically not been scanned.

So they had to go through the entire trolley.

Then, it turned out that the scanner hadn’t processed our shop. So we had to go to an actual checkout. This whole process took us an extra 40 minutes… So much for being quicker.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post, give it a like to let me know if you did. To see more of what I have to say give me a follow.

Ash.

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I Joined A Running Club?!

Hello!

I’m not completely sure how this happened. I’m pretty sure this started as one of my terrible ideas at 2am when I can’t sleep.

I joined a running club.

I have a couple of friends who I’ve made through parkrun who are members of Lonely Goat Running club. At some point I somehow ended up on their website, where I found out more about the club.

Lonely Goat Running Club is an online club for all ages and abilities, there’s no official sign up unless you want to be affiliated to England Athletics, depending on how things go this is something I may do, and it runs off the values of Support, Inspire, Achieve. Which I figured I could do.

So I joined their Facebook group, got myself a shirt (team purple) and here we are…

I wore it to my local parkrun on Saturday and I had probably one of the best runs I’ve been on, not in terms of my time, but all the other Lonely Goats said hi to me and I just thought that was nice.

Anyway, to find out more about the Lonely Goats click here. If you enjoyed this post give it a like. To see more of what I have to say give me a follow. My socials are linked at the top.

Ash.

Types of Dog Walker

Hello!

I have 2 dogs. One is an old Labrador Retriever (age 15) and the other is a Border Collie (age 5). Because I have a collie, I spend a lot of time walking my dogs, and this has caused me to make a few observations about the types of dog walkers.

1. The Headphone Wearer. Walking their dog each day is something this person endures, they don’t pay any attention to the dog or the people around them, they’re either listening to their music or talking to someone on the phone.

2. The Person with way too many dogs. Normally this will be a paid dog walker, but every so often, this is a completely bonkers pet hoarder, who’s walking around with at least 5 dogs, when you run into them with your dog(s) it’s complete carnage, then when you leave you have to do a headcount to make sure you have the right number of dogs.

3. The Possessive Dog Owner. My collie loves fetch. And if we don’t have anything to throw for him, he’ll join in someone else’s game. For some reason this drives some people crazy. There was one time, he joined in, this other dog’s owner just gave me a filthy look as if my dog had bitten her or something. It wasn’t even as if my dog had taken this other dogs favourite toy, it was a stick. And we were in a forest. Full of sticks. What the fuck.

4. The Owner with an “old dog.” I regularly see morbidly obese dogs being walked and we will chat with the owners who will say something along the lines of “well [dog’s name] is getting on a bit now, we don’t go as far as we used to, he’s 8 now”. We then tell them that our Labrador is 15… They tend to look a bit embarrassed.

5. The OCD owner. This dog can’t go near any mud, puddles or areas with lots of plant where they could get ticks. It will most likely be a short haired dog. And why, because the owner can’t cope with the mess. You have a dog. Mess is a part of that.

6. The Owner Taking Their Substitute Child Out. The dog will be a chihuahua or other small breed, they will quite possibly have a push chair and the dog will be wearing some kind of strange outfit.

7. The Person That Just Didn’t Think It Through. Probably 5ft tall and walking a husky or other massive breed. Probably have to walk the dog somewhere not many other people do so they don’t have to be on a lead.

So this is just some of what I’ve seen while walking my dogs. If there’s any I missed please let me know in the comments. Like this post if you enjoyed it and follow me to see more of what I have to say.

Ash.

Canada 3- Jasper

Hello!

Continuing from my previous two posts, I will be discussing my time in Jasper.

On my first full day in Jasper, we went to the town and had a look around as well as getting information to make some plans for the next few days. We actually then left the area to meet up with some friends of my dad’s.

Due to the fact that meeting my dad’s friends had actually taken us away from Jasper towards Hinton, the next day we decided to visit Maligne Lake on our way back to Jasper. The lake was really pretty and there is a variety of walks, of varied lengths and difficulty, around the area.

The next day, we had booked to go on the Jasper skytram. This was a little on the pricey side, however if you book online for a trip before 10am or after 5pm you get a free breakfast or burger (depending on which time of day you go up, obviously). We got there and unfortunately there was an issue with the lift, but they got it working and we managed to get on the next flight up, only 20 minutes later than our alloted time. At the top, we then walked to the summit of Mount Whistler, the views were amazing.

After this, we went into the town for an ice cream, a few days before my mum and I had been eyeing up Grandma’s Ice-cream place, and it was amazing. We had a tough time choosing what to have because they have such a massive range of flavours (something like 68…)

That afternoon we went to Lake Annette, where we chilled out in the sun for a bit, when someone said “no one move, there’s a bear!” I turned around slowly to see a bear about 10 metres away from me. Fortunately the bear didn’t give any shits about us and carried on walking, but I was able to get some pretty good photos.

The next day we visited Maligne Canyon. This was labelled on TripAdvisor as somewhere you have to go, and when we got there we could see why. The canyon was amazing, it has a series of bridges along it, if you walk to the sixth bridge it’s around a 4km walk each way from where we started, but it’s not too difficult because they maintain the paths really well.

That evening we booked an Evening Wildlife Search with Maligne Adventures. It was really interesting, we were able to see a number of black bears, wapitis and a beaver. Our tour guide was really informative about the animals and the local area, he was able to answer all of our questions.

On our last full day, we had a slight change of plan, instead of staying the last night at our campsite near Jasper, we headed down the Icefields Parkway to stay the night in Canmore. I was really glad we did this, because the Icefields parkway was amazing. We were able to visit Athabasca Falls and we were able to see the glaciers properly. We also were able to visit Mistaya Canyon, which was really interesting because the water has carved a zig-zag channel in the rock.

Anyway, that is my trip to Canada. Check out my Instagram (linked at the top of my site) where I will be posting more photos over the next few days. If you enjoyed this post give it a like. Follow me to see more of what I have to say.

Ash.

Canada 2- Victoria and Pacific Rim

Hello!

Continuing on from my last post where I was in Calgary then Lake Louise, we then travelled over to Vancouver Island, where we spent 2 nights in Victoria. This meant that we were able to spend a day in Victoria.

We went in to the town to discover that the Downtown Victoria Buskers Festival was on, which gave the whole place an amazing atmosphere. There were lots of pride flags around as well (much to the annoyance of my brother) which also made me feel like it was quite a welcoming place.

That afternoon we booked a whale watching tour, which was amazing. We got to see lots of Orcas and also saw a humpback whale briefly. There was even one point (I need to be careful how I word this, what happened wasn’t bad, but I am aware it easily could) where we were near 2 male orcas, and they came within the acceptable range of our boat, so we had to turn off our engine until they left, but one of the whales came right next to our boat, which was absolutely amazing. It was a real privilege to be able to get that close to them.

The next day we moved up to the Pacific Rim National Park. Our campsite was right by the beach and probably the nicest one I’d seen so far.

On our first proper day, we went on the Lighthouse loop of the Wild Pacific Trail, and we also got ourselves some fishing permits from the Gray Whale Deli. For the rest of the day, we just chilled out on the beach. I’m not going to lie, this would be the point where I started to notice tensions rising in my family, we aren’t used to being confined, and I in particular like to have my own space.

The next morning, to let off a bit of steam, I went for a run along Long Beach, which was really beautiful. After that, we all went fishing for the day. We caught 2 salmon, including one which was around 20 pounds in weight.

The day after we had a surf lesson, the lesson was 3 hours long, and we all established that we are absolutely crap at surfing. We used Wya Point Surf Shop, they have a good deal where you can borrow kit for 24 hours and have a 3 hour lesson for $80.

On our last day, we went on a whale and wildlife tour. We were able to see Eagles, seals, and a sealion as well as a humpback whale.

I apologise for the fact that there are few photos in this post, there is no WiFi at any campsites here, and my data connection is pretty limited. When I get back to the UK I will post as many photos as possible on my Instagram.

Anyway, if you enjoyed this post, give it a like. To see more of what I have to say, follow me. As usual, my socials are linked at the top.

Ash.

Canada 1- Calgary and Lake Lousie

Hello!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m in Canada. I’m in Canada for a total of 3 weeks, and I’m moving around a bit in an RV. Anyway, I thought I’d share what I’ve got up to so far. I’ll try to include some photos, however I didn’t bring my laptop and WiFi is a little restricted, so I’ll have to make do with the few photos I’ve taken on my phone…The night we arrived we spent in Calgary. We went up the Calgary Tower, which was pretty cool, but I wouldn’t recommend when you’re tired and jetlagged and still feel like you’re on a plane…

Anyway the next day we got our RV then headed out to Lake Louise, which is really pretty. On our first full day there, we went to Lake Louise Ski Area and had a guided walk of Fire and Ice (something like that, I can’t remember exactly what it was called). We saw amazing views of the mountains and glaciers and learnt exactly how they had been formed. We also saw some of the local wildlife.

The following day we went White Water Rafting. We used a company called Wild Water Adventure, and had a great time, they had their shit sorted out and the guide we had was really friendly. We’ve white water rafted before, but this time it was so much better. I’d definitely recommend doing the traditional trip as opposed to the gentle one, because you get to go down some class 4 rapids on the traditional one.

As the day after was Canada Day, we decided we didn’t want to take the RV anywhere, so we went on a walk from the campsite. We first of all walked from the campsite to Lake Louise via the Lake Louise Creek Trail then we walked to Lake Agnes from Lake Louise in the hope we would get away from the other tourists. Which didn’t work. Both lakes were mobbed. However, the views were amazing and I got some really good photos.

The next day we hired bikes from Wilson’s Outdoors, they charged reasonable prices and you can get helmets and bear spray as well. We cycled along an old tramline then along the Great Divide. The Great Divide was a really good route, you definitely need a bike with suspension because although it’s a disused road, it has old speed bumps which make it an uncomfortable ride. I’d totally recommend doing the Great Divide, there’s an old abandoned view point where the state border is, and there’s barely anyone else there. The whole time we were on the path, we only saw 4 other people.

Anyway, that is my roundup of the first part of my trip around Canada. I’ll hopefully post an update of what I get up to next week. If you enjoyed this post, give it a like. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are linked at the top.

Ash.

Types of People At Airports

Hello!

I’m currently in Canada, which meant I’ve had to go on a plane. I’m not a massive fan of flying, and my parents always get me the airport relatively early, so I have a lot of time to try and not freak out. To pass the time, I did a bit of people watching, and I made a few observations about the types of people in airports.

1. The Hen-do. Destination is most likely Ibiza or Marbella. Regardless of what time it is, they are drinking the champagne and wearing clothing with things like “bride to be” or “chief bridesmaid”.

2. The Lad’s Holiday. Destination almost certainly Ibiza, Amsterdam or Marbella. You can spot this group from a mile away because they’re loud and probably drinking beer regardless of what time of day it is.

3. The Family With The Screaming Baby. They will be walking around in a desperate attempt to keep their child awake until they get on the plane so they don’t piss off other people on the plane.

4. The Dick who’s flying first class and wants everyone to know. Caviar as a quick pre-flight snack anyone? Champagne or vintage wine? Why not. Don’t forget a quick selfie so all your friends know. They probably also bought a tonne of alcohol or perfume in duty free.

5. The nervous flyer. I’m not this bad. But you can spot this person, probably in the toilets, puking from nerves, or updating their will.

6. The person going off the grid. Luggage is in a large hiking bag. Destination is anywhere you probably wouldn’t want to be going on holiday.

7. The person with a delayed/cancelled plane. Most likely flying with Ryanair. This person will be found doing 2 things. First they will probably be shouting at the representative for the airline. Then you will find them sleeping across the benches waiting to get wherever the hell they’re trying to.

I think I’ve covered most of the types of people in airports. If you think I missed any out, let me know in the comments below. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are linked at the top.

Ash.

You May Call Me Ash

Hello!

I’ve been thinking for a while now. It’s time to move on. I’ve recently had a break due to doing my Alevels and also I turned 18.

Back when I started this blog, I posted all kinds of complete and utter bullshit. I’ve changed as a person in the four or five years I’ve been doing this. I used the name “Awkward Human” to remain anonymous.

I still wish to remain anonymous, however, I’m ready to say goodbye to Awkward Human. I associate the name with a past, less mature version of myself, and I’d like to keep it in the past.

Due to the fact that there’s still things I don’t want my family/friends to know about me, I will still be remaining anonymous. So, I have decided to use my chosen middle name to be known by to the internet. People who actually know me currently tend to use my chosen first name, so this is not an option.

So you may call me Ash.

When this post gets published, a few other changes will also be made, I’ll be giving my site a new look, removing some of my older posts and changing all my profile photos.

Now that my Alevels are done, I’ll start posting regularly again, as there will hopefully be some exciting stuff to come.

If you’re new around here, give me a follow. My socials are linked at the top.

Ash x

Types Of People At Family Occasions

Hello!

I recently had to attend an event which included pretty much most of my extended family on my mum’s side… This is something that can be quite stressful for me, since I’m not very highly approved of in the family.

Anyway, at my most recent gathering I made a few observations which I would like to share about the different kinds of people at these occasions.

1. The Aunt/Uncle with perfect children. These are the parents with children who will be going nowhere other than Cambridge/Oxford. The children are probably under 10 and already grade 8 in at least 1 instrument. They’re probably on track to take their maths GCSE early.

2. The Aunt/Uncle with “perfect”children. These people are probably older parents, have one child or struggled to have children, so their child(ren) is a complete miracle and everything it does is wonderful.

3. The gay cousin. I am the gay cousin. They’re just left to laugh awkwardly when asked if they have a boyfriend (in my case, being “female”.)

4. The confused old person. This is an older person, they probably are losing it a little bit and may ask you the same question several times. They may also be far too polite to make any kind of decision in terms of something like “what do you want to eat?”

5. The intellectual superior. Quite often single. Went to a prestigious university and is far superior to everyone in the room. Probably dragged you around art galleries as a kid.

6. The siblings that can’t speak to each other. Just to clear up here, these are adult siblings, not kids who are just immature. This may be for any range of reasons but it makes things totally awkward for everyone else.

7. The relative who you can’t figure out how you’re related to. This is always some cousin of your grandparents/their offspring. Quite frankly, you don’t bother learning their names because you probably won’t actually see them again.

I think I’ve covered most of the list, but if you think I missed any out, please do comment. If you enjoyed this give it a like. To see more of what I have to say give me a follow, my socials are linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman

Types of people at Parkrun

Hello!

Lately I’ve started running… I say lately… About a year ago. (The world must be ending). The main time I tend to run is on Saturdays at the parkrun. While I’ve been going, I’ve noticed there are a few certain types of people.

1. The person in a marathon T-shirt. These people tend to be the ones who finish in around 18 minutes and personally, I’d swear they’re only there to intimidate everyone else. This person may alternate their marathon t-shirt with their 200 parkrun milestone t-shirt.

2. The speedwalker. Personally I’ve never understood speed walkers, but whatever, if that’s what you enjoy. JUST MOVE OVER WITH YOUR ELBOWS. Seriously, if I end up behind one at the beginning, I just can’t get past.

3. The “speedwalker” This person likes to pretend that they’re walking with a purpose, but really they’re just out for a walk…

4. The old person. You had the perfect excuse to not have to do exercise… Some of the older people at my local parkrun are amazing, how do they do it…?

5. The motivator. This person will often go running past and says “come on, you can do it. Not far left”. I’m guilty of doing this, mostly because I then can’t walk or I will look like a hypocrite.

6. The person who drags their kids round. These kids are 5 at the most. I’m pretty sure it’s not good for their growth to be running 5km weekly. None of them look like they’re having a great time.

7. The selfie taker. The important part of parkrun for this person, is taking the selfie at the end to put on Facebook to make all their friends feel bad for not exercising.

8. All the gear and no idea. This person has all the running stuff- including headphones and a phone strap on their arm, and very expensive trainers. They go running off at the start at a crazy pace, but you overtake them by the 1mile marker because they’ve stopped and walked the rest after not long.

9. The cheater. This is someone who you know runs quite slowly, but when you get to the end, they’ve finished before you. Then when you ask how many laps they did of where, it turns out that they “didn’t realize” certain areas required more than one lap.

10. The one who doesn’t know why they’re there. I’ve been there. It seemed like a great idea on Friday evening, but you wake up on Saturday morning and just think “why the fuck did I agree to this.” But you said to your running buddies that you’d go, so you have to.

I think I’ve covered most people in this list. In all seriousness, I think parkrun is brilliant, and it’s even better that it’s free. Thank you to all the volunteers who allow it to stay that way. I think I speak for anyone who does parkrun when I say, we massively appreciate everything all the volunteers do.

I think parkrun is a really great way to get fit, everyone is really supportive, and my local parkrun in particular has a real community, we even have a Facebook group…

If you enjoyed this post, give it a like. Leave a comment if I forgot any. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman