Things People Say To Their Closeted Gay Friends

Hello!

Being in the closet means that although things are difficult at times, a lot of people say things assuming that you are straight, and sometimes this is pretty funny. I’ve heard some interesting lines from my friends. This is a bit of a continuation from my last post Things Parents Say To Their Closeted Gay Kids so go and check that out.

Anyway, here we go…

One day, we were all sitting eating lunch, on our phones, the situation went a little bit like this: “oh my god [insert name, can’t remember who the hell it was] is gay. I’ve always wanted a gay friend.” Meanwhile I’m sitting there on my own phone just thinking 🌈🌈🌈. They are so blind…

I have a few friends who are guys. For my female friends who don’t know about my gender or sexuality, the fact I’m “female” with male friends is a difficult concept. Most days I get a comment along the lines of “so you and [name]… Are you together?” Every time I just think, why can’t I have friends… And as someone who is bisexual does that mean that I automatically fancy anyone who I’m friends with? Newsflash, no I don’t. So deal with it.

Then we all have that friend, who’s the causal homophobe because they think it’s funny and don’t realise that they are sitting right next to a fucking rainbow. My only advice here, is say to this friend, “stop saying things like that, you don’t know who you may be offending.” Person shuts up, you stay in closet. Of course, if you want to come out of the closet, that combined with the right line, would be a very entertaining way out.

When you meet new people, a question they normally ask the question “so do you have a boyfriend?” My response to this tends to vary depending on my first impression of whoever asked the question. Normally I have to try very hard not to start laughing. Then you get the person who just can’t have a single friend and wants to set you up with the first single male they find. Which is just great.

I hope that some of you found this relatable, if there’s any that I forgot, please let me know in the comments below. Give this post a like if you enjoyed it. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

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Things Parents Say To Their Closeted Gay Kids

Hello!

Christmas is coming just around the corner, which means that inevitably you have to spend a lot of time with the family. Being in the closet, they can sometimes say stuff that can be quite funny. Although this post is titled as “parents”, I mean that as a sweeping generalisation of annoying family members.

Every year, at least one person asks “so do you have a boyfriend yet?” This is usually the point I’d come up with some kind of analogy of how not particularly straight I am, but because this is a family event, I can’t do that. So I say no, then someone asks “are you a lesbian?” This is always the question that I answer way to quickly. In truth, I’m not, I’m bisexual, the point here is that I have something to hide.
I don’t know how true this next one is, but whenever my mum has been talking to someone who’s LGBTQ+, on the way back in the car, her first line is normally “if you turn out like that, I won’t be angry, but I’ll be very very disappointed” Thanks mum. 

Another of my mum’s favourite lines is about how “unnatural” being gay is. This line usually follows the previous line. At first I found it offensive, but now it’s just become gay bingo, how many offensive things can she fit into one speech, which takes you away from the offensive bit and at least makes it a little bit funny.

Especially for bisexual people (generally just people who are attracted to multiple genders actually) and non-binary people, a lot of people if they haven’t heard if what you are before, will deny the existence of how you identify. There was a programme on a while ago and my mum just couldn’t understand why this person used they/them pronouns.

Inevitably when you come out, for even the most accepting parents it may be a shock. Some people may get something along the lines of “you need Jesus in your life.” For some this may just be an entertaining line and they just keep a low profile for a few days, for others it may not be, if this is the case, I am very sorry 

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this post, if you did please give it a like, let me know any entertaining lines from your parents below. I may do one about what your friends say, so leave those as well. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. As usual, my socials are at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

I’ve Been Forgotten

Hello!

My biggest fear in life has, for a long time been that I would die without making a difference, that I’d be forgotten. 

Recently it’s turned out that I don’t even need to be dead to be forgotten.

When my friends and I all went our separate ways, they all said “we’ll come and visit you in your lunch breaks on our days off”. So far, I haven’t seen any of them. I’m also the one that always has to message and be like “hi, how are you, how’s things?”

What really did it though, was I’d managed to get a conversation with my friend J, who was one of the first people I came out to… Here’s how it went…

So that was great…

I’m not a person who loves attention, it’s the opposite of that, but I just get pissed off when people who are supposedly my best friends forget about me…

Considering that the reason I started this blog was to help other people, it’s a bit shit. No one notices me here, no one notices me in real life. I’ve genuinely never felt more alone in life, especially as at the moment I’m just feeling so sensitive about who I am because of the comments I hear at school.

I’m not planning on quitting on any terms at the moment, it’s just hard to stay positive at the moment.

I’ll try to pick things up as soon as I can. Please follow me for when that does happen.

AwkwardHuman xx

Strange Christmas Presents…

Hello!

Last night was, interesting. We had a few people over. There was a lot of alcohol. Then we got onto the discussion of how my dad gives really strange gifts.

Last year for Christmas, he gave me and my brother a book each about growing up, sex and stuff like that. Me, not being female or straight with a book for a straight female target audience, didn’t bother opening the book. And neither did my brother for whatever reason.

Cutting a long and strange story short, we found the books last night. 

One person, who’d been drinking a fair amount decided to educate us all. Being the most sober and gayest one in the room, it was pretty entertaining. Especially the part where said person taught my grandad about whanking… Awkward.

Anyway, I was thinking, I can’t be the only person who’s got weird gifts like this… What’s the weirdest gift anyone who’s read this far has got?

I hope you enjoyed this (short) post, if you did please give it a like and let me know your weird gifts in the comments. Follow me to know when I post something new. My socials are linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

The Latest From My Homophobic School

Hello!

Things have taken an interesting turn at the new school (I should really stop calling it my new school now I’ve been there for half a term). It’s one of those schools with a house system, and a lot of competitions between the houses.

Somehow I got signed up for a pantomime for house drama. Here’s an important thing to remember: I can’t act. So if that by itself isn’t entertaining enough, I’m Prince Charming. At least I don’t have to sing though…

My brother was cast as the ugly stepsister, so I think this is going to be generally quite funny. I may have volunteered him for that while he wasn’t there, but he seemed happy enough to do it.

However, the dicks still exist. I overheard a conversation between 2 year 10’s about a transgender person who had left a year or so ago. I couldn’t figure out the specifics to to their ignorance on the subject, however, they said enough that I was insulted. 

I heard terms like “tranny” and the phrase “people should just be male or female, how their born”. As someone who is neither male or female, it took a lot of self-restraint to not go and educate them or tell them to go to hell.

And then for the rest of the day, I was then just feeling really shit because I can’t come out but I want to so bad. It just makes me angry with myself and people around me.

I hope that maybe some people can relate to this feeling and maybe leave some advice for me and others who feel like this in the comments. If you liked this post, please give it a like. Follow me to see more of what I have to say. My socials are at the top, if you want to talk privately, you can there. 

AwkwardHuman xx

How To Avoid A Party You Don’t Want To Go ToΒ 

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Here’s the situtation… At my new school I’m “friends” with this bitch. And it was her 17th birthday… I somehow made it onto her invite list to her birthday sleepover. 

I’m a closeted bisexual agender person. Any guesses why an evening with a bunch of girls who are bitchy and judgemental drooling over blokes while most likely very drunk sounds like my idea of hell?

I had to get out of this politely. Quite frankly, I have to much to hide, without including the fact that I can’t be bothered with these people.

So I went on a little trip around Scotland because… Well, why not?

I went up to Yorkshire on the way, past Studley Royal to see the deer and walk my dog. It was nice, but we discovered the hard way not to eat lunch there. It’s a little pricey. 

 A couple of days later, I got to Dundee. I spent a lot of time there by the River Tay, in Dundee town center and at St Andrews beach and the golf course because they have this thing where on Sundays you can walk dogs on certain parts of it. 

After this point, things got interesting. I got to Edinburgh. This was the part we were most worried about because we had the dog with us. And we didn’t know where the hell we were going to walk the dog.

Fortunately it turned out we were just near the observatory and there’s a nature reserve there, which is really nice, dogs are allowed there, I didn’t see any signs about keeping them on the lead. We also took the dog up Arthur’s Seat (I would definitely reccomend this, but wear walking boots, the paths aren’t great.) Dogs are allowed off the lead there as well and my 13 year old dog managed it fine. It took us about an hour and a half for the round trip to the top and back.

While I was in Edinburgh we went to Princes Street Gardens (without dog), spent a lot of time just chilling out there, and me and my brother went to see the new Kingsman film (because that’s what you do when you’re travelling around). I would definitely reccomend watching that. 

I then got back 2 days before the party. I knew I wasn’t actually going to miss the party, but I’d hoped I’d miss it by less. Fortunately, taking excess photos, avoiding my local towns and avoiding the internet means I think I got away with it.

And that is how you avoid a party with people you hate. You are welcome.

I hope you found this post interesting/ entertaining. If you did, please like it or leave a comment. Follow me if you want to see more of what I have to say. My Instagram is @awkwardhumanblog and all of my photos are there..

AwkwardHuman xx

My Fake Instagram

Hello!

I’ve shared before about how the people at my school were pretty homophobic. Instead of complaining… I thought to myself “I could have some fun with this.” 

So I set up a new Instagram account. I used the gender neutral middle name that I chose for myself (no one at school knows about it) as the name I set it up as. I then gave myself a nice profile photo and a bio and posted some LGBT content…

My main aim for this was to get a few followers, see how people at school responded to an openly LGBT person, and if I got homphobia, to educate them.

After this, I requested to follow a bunch of people from my school. Unfortunately a lot of them are private and not a fan of someone they don’t know claiming to be at their school trying to follow them. How selfish.

20/10/17

Earlier today one of them requested to follow me back. I accepted the request. They evidently took one look at what I had to say, and unfollowed me again. Which I found pretty funny.

21/10/17

I managed to keep hold of a new follower… I got a nice message saying “oi, who are ya mate?”

22/10/17

I just woke up to find that the person sent another message saying “fucking answer”. I also had a message request saying “who runs this account?”

I think overall this experiment didn’t work. No one seemed that interested in the account except a couple of people who I think were in the younger years and they just wanted to know who I was.

I guess that could be seen as a positive because their first instinct wasn’t to go and hate on me, but I was at least hoping to be able to go and laugh at the little shitheads.

I have now basically closed down the account and have decided there probably won’t be another post of these types because the effort to get a single follower wasn’t worth the results.

I hope that you enjoyed this post and if you did, please give it a like. Follow me if you want to see more of what I have to say. My actual socials are linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

How National Coming Out Day went for me

Hello!

This week on Wednesday it was National Coming Out day. I’d say it’s one of my favourite days in the year (I don’t actually know why, I just do). 

For the last two years I’ve set myself the challenge of opening the closet door that little bit further and coming out to someone.

I also did wear the entire rainbow, but no one noticed because it was all in small things (bright coloured suits are banned in my sixth form). 

Anyway, this year I came out to a friend who is pretty close to me. I sent this person (and a couple of others) a video of me kicking my closet door open, along with the Snapchat filter for national coming out day and some rainbows. I only sent this to people who I had come out to about my sexuality to.

This person then came out to me as bisexual. Which was great. And I am so proud of this person for feeling confident enough to come out to me.

Then I realised… I hadn’t said I was agender to this person. So while they were doing the whole thing of “please don’t tell anyone else” I just said (roughly) I’ve kept a lot of secrets. You know that. Then in the next message (very shortened): I don’t think I mentioned I’m agender.
As with when I told my friend B, it somehow failed to surprise.

I just wanted to share this story with the people of the internet. I hope National Coming Out Day went well for any of you if you decided to come out to anyone. 

If you enjoyed this post, give it a like. Please feel free to leave your stories in the comments below. If you want to see more of what I have to say, follow me. My socials are also linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx

Why I’ve Gone Off Youtube

Hello!

For a long time, I had no life (to be homest, I still don’t). I spent my days wasting away watching various YouTubers and desperately trying to get noticed.

In the last 6months/year this hasn’t happened so much because I’ve been so busy and I found this little thing called EDM. Going back to YouTube and its fans… I kind of realised how crap it is.

I guess you can only watch so many people getting pranked by Joe Sugg, favourites videos by beauty vloggers, baking tutorials of stuff you know you will never make and the endless fucking Q+A’s. Yes, I still watch the occasional video, but I’d say I spend less than 10 minutes a week doing this now as opposed to half of my day (well, night technically, but that’s another story).

As well as this, I just find EDM fans a lot easier to follow, they’re less “turning everything they see into evidence of a theory” (hello Dan Howell and Phil Lester fans) and more passionate about something that I really love, I tend to find I have more in common with them (I’m not saying I haven’t found some really amazing friends through youtube).

However my biggest problem with YouTubers (it isn’t Jack Maynard or Marcus Butler, although both of them do annoy me) is the lack of interaction with their fans. By all means, give me the arguement of they have so many people following them they won’t ever respond to everyone. Whatever.

The bottom line is, I spent probably 2 years trying to get anyone’s attention in the YouTube world. In 6 months I can give you a pretty fucking long list of DJs that have noticed me. If you would like a copy of that list, feel free to contact me, I would be happy to share that with you, that list includes some big names. The list of youtubers that have payed me any attention? Oh yeah, zero.

These are people who are payed to be on the internet and are supposedly known for their “great relationship with their viewers”. I’m putting it out there, DJs are not primarily people who sit on the internet, they have a hectic schedule and they still have time for their fans online.

So as a conclusion to this post, I’m just going to say it. EDM is the hell of a better place to be a fan than YouTube. And yes, it was YouTubers who made me want to start this blog, doesn’t mean that a) I can’t evolve and change my opinion and b) I can’t hate them.

If you enjoyed this piss take then please give this post a like or a comment. If you want to see more of my ramblings then feel free to follow me. My socials are also liked at the top of this page if you are not using the WordPress reader.

AwkwardHuman xx

My New School Is Very Homophobic

Hello!

By the time this post goes online it will be October. Which means I have been at sixth form for a month. I’d say that I can now give an honest view of how I’m feeling about things.

First… Well, I couldn’t wait to never have to do English again (other than the blog). Guess which idiot is resitting? Yes. I am. I got a 5 in language, while I don’t have to resit, it’s a good idea for me to for vet school.

Also… The people. One, I don’t like a lot of them. I am really struggling to find anything in common with anyone. Don’t throw the “you’ll find some friends, try some other people,” there twelve people in my year. And two, their gaydars are very broken. I love being in the closet.

While I’m on the subject of the LGBT, I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a homophobic school. In classrooms on desks there are homophobic things written in plain sight. I’ve seen things like “fuck off you faggot” written, and that doesn’t offend me personally, because I am very difficult to offend, it is extremely offensive. My brother was telling me the other day he’d had a conversation where someone had made a gay comment in English, the teacher had said “what’s wrong with being gay”. The general class opinion was it was wrong and disgusting. The fact I am in a school with people who think that, is disgusting.

In terms of the subjects I’ve chosen… I’ve fucked up every chemistry practicle so far. In the first one, I sent the whole thing for a flight. In the second I overfilled my solution for a titration. And in the most recent one, I spilt a load of acid then smashed a beaker. Biology, yeah that’s fine. Maths is fine. Then there’s further maths. I don’t know how or why I let myself get talked into doing that.

The school itself has some weird rules. We aren’t allowed to leave a room without wearing a blazer/jacket. At the start of assembley we all have to stand for the headteacher to come in… What the actual fuck.

The headteacher reminds me of Donald Trump in a creepy way (only in appearance). He is a bit weird in just the way he is and he isn’t particularly popular with students.

Other than all of that… Yeah, sixth form is great. I would seriously appreciate any advice on how I could possibly challenge homophobia/ anti-LGBT opinions in general without having to come out of the closet.

I hope you enjoyed this little update, if you did please give it a like. Please feel free to leave me some advice in the comments. If you want to see more of what I have to say, follow me. My socials are, as always, linked at the top.

AwkwardHuman xx